Trusting God’s plans

While cleaning out files on our computer recently, I found a spreadsheet my husband, Matt, made when we got married in 2005 called “The Five Year Plan.” It included work goals, things we wanted to do with the house, vacations we wanted to save for, money we wanted to sock away. As I scanned the document, my eyes stopped when I saw our goal for 2007: have a kid.

I suppose that back in ’05 when we got married, we figured having a child would be as simple as deciding when we wanted to have it, then planning accordingly. Little did we know that God had other plans. After deciding that we were ready to add a child to our two-person family, we spent the next two years trying to get pregnant.

Once we got over the initial shock that we didn’t get pregnant right away, as it seemed most everyone around us did, we spoke to a fertility doctor — and spent much of 2008 in her office. We started off hesitantly but ended up with all the injections, medicines and shots that go along with fertility treatment. It was gut-wrenching to see so many friends get pregnant and have sweet babies while I was still beating a path to Brookwood almost weekly. I didn’t understand why God had chosen that path for us.

As the Proverb says, “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” Our plans definitely didn’t include fertility doctors, or a two-year wait before finally getting pregnant with our first child, but God’s did. In His careful wisdom, He determined, way before Matt and I even thought about kids, that our joy would be delayed.

2008 was a truly difficult year for us, and not just because we were endlessly (it seemed) frustrated in our attempts to have a baby. I had surgery, my grandfather began a decline from Alzheimer’s that ended in his death in September of that year, my family went through a difficult time, and I lost my job. As we turned the page into 2009, Matt and I told each other firmly, “This year will be better.”

And it was. By God’s grace (and our doctor), we got pregnant in January. Our whole family felt like this marked the end of the difficulties of the previous year. While we were still greatly saddened by the loss of our Papa, we rejoiced in knowing he was whole and happy in heaven, and we were so thankful that after losing a member of our family, we’d soon be adding another one. Kate was born in November, tiny and healthy.

As I think about how different our journey has looked from how I thought it would go back when we were newly married and somewhat naïve, I’m actually thankful for the delay that God ordained for us. It was extremely hard, but the experience taught me that God really does have a plan even when it seems like nothing is going according to (my) plan. I see now that He truly knows what I need better than I do. I can look back and see a track record of his faithfulness — not because He eventually gave me what I wanted, but because He was by my side, drawing me to Him while I was at my lowest. Now, four years and two kids later, I can take comfort in remembering that God didn’t forget me when things didn’t go the way I wanted. Instead, He was busy working for my good and laying the path before me, even when I couldn’t see the way.

Lauren can be reached at LaurenKDenton@gmail.com.