Secrets to a happy family
The cover of the Sunday Parade magazine caught my eye recently: “The Secrets to a Happy Family.”
The article was part of a book by the same title that claims to know the “ingredients that make families effective, resilient and happy.” I’m usually suspicious of sweeping generalizations like that, but of course I was interested in finding out if our family has those crucial ingredients.
I learned that the most common time for family fights is between 6 and 8 p.m. — dinner time. Yet, kids who eat dinner with their family are less likely to do drugs or have eating disorders. This tells me we should eat dinner together, but avoid fighting. Picking out their own punishments gives kids a greater sense of ownership over their behavior (and somehow makes them happier). Maybe I should let Kate choose whether to go to time out or lose her princess dolls for the day. If your kids are involved in sports, he says to not act like the coach — just be supportive.
Some of the ingredients seemed a bit odd. For example, kids who know about their ancestors handle stress better. Huh? Apparently, they have a better sense of their intergenerational self, whatever that means. Also, when having an argument with your spouse or child, make sure you both are “at the same level, with the same posture.” This avoids one person being in a power position and therefore feeling (and acting) superior, while the other person feels resentful.
After reading through several of the points in the article, I started to feel like something was missing. While the author did have some good ideas for boosting a family’s happiness quota, many of the ingredients seemed empty.
After all, my family is a happy one, but we do have off days when we all seem to be at each other’s throats. When that happens, should we all lie down on the floor together so we’re at the same level? Is it that simple? Instead, I started wondering what God says makes a happy family.
Here’s what I found:
“Honor your mother and father so that it may be well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” -Ephesians 6:2-3
“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” -Ephesians 6:4
“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” -Philippians 2:3-4
“A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.” -Proverbs 15:4
“Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” -Colossians 3:12-14
No religion or faith guarantees that you’re happy all the time and that nothing bad will ever happen to you. All families have struggles, no matter where your faith lies. But I’d be willing to bet that, at least at our house, being obedient,
compassionate, humble and kind will get us farther than arranging our living room furniture into a calming circle.
Lauren can be reached at LaurenKDenton@gmail.com.