Parenthood

I recently read a book about a mom and her daughter called Where’d You Go Bernadette, by Maria Semple. (It’s a quick, hilarious read if you’re looking for something to take to the beach!) In it, the mom says to her daughter, “I love you, Bee. I’m trying. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t.”

To me, that sums up a lot of what it means to be a parent. The love is there, and we’re always trying really, really hard.

Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. One day I’m convinced my three year old needs therapy (or maybe I do), and then the next day I’m wondering how I got so lucky to have such a great kid. Some days are catastrophes, others are gems.

In honor of Mothers Day in a couple of weeks and Fathers Day next month, I’ve compiled some of my favorite quotes about parenthood. Some are sweet, but most are funny because if I’ve learned anything in the last three years, it’s that a healthy sense of humor goes a long way toward smoothing the rough patches.

• Raising a kid is part joy and part guerilla warfare. –Ed Asner
• There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one. –Jill Churchill
• The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires. –Dorothy Parker
• The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable. –Lane Olinghouse
• Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories. –John Wilmot
• Mothers are all slightly insane. –J.D. Salinger
• If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?               –Milton Berle
• When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out. –Erma Bombec
• If you want your children to improve, let them overhear the nice things you say about them to others. –Haim Ginott
• The guys who fear becoming fathers don’t understand that fathering is not something perfect men do, but something that perfects the man. The end product of child raising is not the child but the parents. –Frank Pittman
• Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you. –Robert Fulghum
• When you teach your son, you teach your son’s son. –The Talmud
• Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. –Elizabeth Stone
• In spite of the 6,000 manuals on child raising in the bookstores, child raising is still a dark continent, and no one really knows anything. You just need a lot of love and luck — and of course, courage. –Bill Cosby

Lauren can be reached at laurenkdenton@gmail.com.