Ordinary Days: The mothering instinct
Late last year, I started telling the girls at bedtime that they can ask me any question they want. We call it “The Burning Question,” and I told them whatever they ask me, I’ll tell them the truth.
My secret motive is for it to be a way they can ask hard or uncomfortable questions as they get older, knowing I’ll answer whatever they want to know, but for now, it’s mostly super hard math questions and obscure Harry Potter trivia. But if I skip it, or forget to ask, they’ll stop me before I leave the room and say, “Wait, what about my Burning Question?”
A few weeks after we started all this, our 7-year-old, Sela, asked me her Burning Question : “When you were a little kid, did you worry that you wouldn’t be a very good mom?” I told her I didn’t remember specifically worrying about that, and I asked if she does. She said, “I worry I won’t learn how to do all the things. Like maybe I’ll give them too much candy, and I won’t know how much candy I should give.” I distinctly remember going through many growing-up years thinking all I wanted to be was a mom. That desire became even more pronounced once Matt and I got married I just knew parenting would come naturally to me, that I’d instinctively know what to do in difficult situations, how to calm little hearts, diffuse tempers and teach about forgiveness and kindness, all while cooking wholesome, delicious meals in a home full of clean (and folded) laundry and sparkling countertops.
Instead … well, you can imagine the instead.
You bring a child home from the hospital and realize you actually don’t have the foggiest clue how to do it all. But you manage through babyhood, then maybe you bring another child home, and you figure it all out again, but this time with two (or more). You figure out each situation and dilemma to the best of your ability.
I just told her that when her daddy and I became parents, no one filled us in on the rules. I told her you learn about your own children, and you do what you need to do to keep them safe and fed and healthy and cared for.
She thought about it for a minute then asked me if I wanted to color, so we stretched out on her floor. I’d had a really long, exhausting day, and after watching her for a few minutes, I laid my head down on a stuffed elephant and promptly fell asleep.
Sensing I needed a nap, Sela turned on her sound machine then laid down next to me and snuggled in really close. She didn’t try to fix my problems, she just let me rest and showed me she loved me. So now when she asks me the question, “What if I’m not a good mom?” (and she asks this from time to time) I tell her she’ll make the best kind of mother. And I tell her she teaches me every day how to do my job better.
When I’m not writing about my family and our various shenanigans, I write novels and go to the grocery store. My next novel, “The Summer House,” releases in June 2020. You can reach me by email at Lauren@LaurenKDenton. com, visit my website LaurenKDenton.com, or find me on Instagram @LaurenKDentonBooks, Twitter @LaurenKDenton or on Facebook ~LaurenKDentonAuthor