Ordinary Days: Shortcut to grown-up friendships

Adult friendships can be hard. Perhaps adult female friendships even more so. 

The way I see it, men have an easier time with friendships. They usually revolve around doing something, and somehow, amid all the activity, friendships grow and deepen. Here’s an example: several years ago, my husband and a couple friends decided to try brewing beer in our garage. A night or two a week, they’d convene at the back of our driveway and fiddle with timers, gauges, hops and yeast. Rarely did I ever see the three of them sitting together and talking yet, somehow, a solid friendship was formed. Matt and these two guys don’t see each other all that often, but when they do, the friendship is obvious. 

Whether it’s brewing beer in the garage or pounding out miles together on the trail or getting a group of guys together for Topgolf, it seems men use the excuse of a specific activity to justify spending time together. Women, for the most part, are different. We get together just to talk. No activity needed. Men develop friendships by doing; women develop friendships by speaking. 

Yet with the day-to-day necessities of life, deep, satisfying, encouraging conversation can be hard to come by. It’s easy to have a casual chat when dropping off or picking up kids or standing in line at Publix, but what about when we have something more meaningful to discuss, something that requires thoughtful input or an enthusiastic sounding board? Work and soccer practice and errands and the laundry disasters at home can prevent us from connecting with the very people who feed our souls. 

Enter Voxer. It’s an app. It’s awesome. It’s like a shot of Red Bull for female friendships, but instead of wearing off after half an hour, the heightened sense of connectedness lasts. 

I’d tried it once before but it didn’t stick. I just couldn’t figure out why I’d need to use a walkie-talkie app rather than just calling or texting someone. But when my new friend Holly reintroduced me to it, it was like a portal into solid friendship, allowing us to skip all the niceties and hesitations that happen in the early stages of a relationship. Yes, actual phone calls could have accomplished the same thing, but honestly, who has the time to have several phone conversations throughout the day? And texting anything longer than “On my way home” or “Can you pick up milk at the Pig?” can be annoying. 

With Voxer, you tap a button and start talking. When you finish, your message appears on your friend’s phone and with a tap, she hears your sweet voice. I listen to Holly as I’m driving, unloading the dishwasher or putting my make-up on. Because we’re on opposite ends of 280, we’ve only hung out in person maybe four times. But our friendship feels like it’s going on three years. Another friend and I have been actual friends for years, but she lives in the part of Mountain Brook that’s the furthest away from Homewood. With Voxer, I’m totally caught up on her kitchen renovation and what’s going on with her kids. It’s magic. 

Recently in church we’ve been focused on a verse in Hebrews: “Let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good words, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”

Not neglecting to meet together. Without a doubt, meeting together for true worship is a good and necessary thing, but worship can happen anytime people get together to encourage, stir each other up and share good words. I’ll go a step further and say in some cases, the getting together part can be loosely defined. In the absence of actual face time, a simple app has allowed me to give and receive heaps of love and encouragement that I would have missed out on if I hadn’t given Voxer a shot.

And hey, if you’re on there, hit me up! I’m always up for a chat. 

My novels “The Hideaway” and “Hurricane Season” are available wherever books are sold. “Glory Road” releases in March 2019. You can reach me by email at Lauren@LaurenKDenton.com, visit my website LaurenKDenton.com or find me on Instagram @LaurenKDentonBooks, Twitter@LaurenKDenton or on Facebook @ LaurenKDentonAuthor.