Ordinary Days: Reflecting on marriage, 12 years later

Lately, my kids have been curious about and interested in the idea of falling in love, getting married and what my and Matt’s wedding was like. 

Any time 5-year-old Sela finds something that could fit around a finger, such as a ring, she slides it on my finger and gives a very solemn look before kissing the “ring.” I’ve tried to tell her no one kisses a ring in a wedding, but she’s sure that’s how it goes. If Kate, my 7-year-old, hears me say  that I love something, she usually says something along the lines of, “Ooh, are you in love with it? Do you want to marry it?”

They also ask lots of questions surrounding the process of getting married. “Did you wear one of those things over your head? Did someone throw flower petals? Why do people get wedding gifts? What’s a honeymoon?”

I love that they’re asking questions (although a few have been a tad personal!) because it means: 1) they’re becoming more attuned to how relationships work and the fact that generally two people decide they like each other more than all the rest, and 2) they recognize Matt and I as two of those people who fell in love and decided to do life together. 

This month marks our 12th wedding anniversary, and we’re celebrating by taking a trip to New York City. (Side note: Kate is sure we are going to run into Taylor Swift. I’ve tried to tell her it is highly unlikely, but she has asked for a photo.) 

The first time we traveled for an anniversary trip, we’d been married one year and went to Italy. Life was so different then! We were still newly married and figuring out life as well as each other. No kids, unable to fathom how things would change and the paths — both wonderful and difficult — life would take us down. 

Looking back, those two young people almost don’t even seem like us — as if all that happened more than a lifetime ago. 

Now — 11 years, two kids, one new house, a few novels, countless triathlons and mountain trails and a few million Shopkins, toy dinosaurs and crayons later — life is better. 

Not that it was bad back then — on the contrary, we were starry-eyed, hopeful and excited about all we imagined and prayed for our life together. But now it’s all deeper. 

Everything has more heft and meaning because we’ve traveled life’s paths together—up onto hills and down into valleys we didn’t expect. But I like to think we’ve sharpened each other and are still in the process of doing so. 

Sometimes it feels like marriage is a big elaborate ritual designed to make us see just how selfish we really are. And maybe that’s part of it. But it also sometimes feels too good to be true that I get to walk through life side by side with the man who sat down next to me at a Halloween party thirteen years ago, dressed in fireman suspenders, and made me want to marry him. And now we have a five year old who kisses rings because she thinks she’s being romantic and a seven year old who squeals when she sees Mom and Dad kiss. I like where we are now. 

So happy anniversary, Matt! Here’s to many more decades of laughter, quiet comfort, beach trips (and maybe the mountains, too) and Bon Jovi dance parties. Love, your wife “Laura.” (Oh, and if you happen to see Taylor in NYC, make sure to snap a pic.)

You can reach me by email me at Lauren@LaurenKDenton.com, visit my website, LaurenKDenton.com, or find me on Instagram @LaurenKDentonBooks, Twitter @LaurenKDenton, or on Facebook. My debut novel, “The Hideaway,” is available wherever books are sold. My next book, “Hurricane Season,” will be released spring 2018.