Ordinary Days | Raising them to leave

They say the goal of parenting is to raise your kids so they will one day leave you. As the mother of two young children, that concept is hard to swallow. 

It’s hard to imagine them actually wanting to be away from me when some days, I’d pay them to leave me for just five minutes so I can go to the bathroom alone. 

However, it reassures me to think that the day when they finally push me away is years away — surely middle school at least, if not high school. (I know all the parents of teenagers are shaking their heads at naïve, little me.)

But the truth is, even at the tender ages of 3 and 6, I already see hints and whispers of that future leaving. It doesn’t start with the walking to school alone or spending the night away for the first time or getting a driver’s license. It’s when the toddler says, “No, Mama, I do it myself.” It’s when the preschooler says, “I can walk into my classroom alone.” It’s when the big kid says, “Can you just drop me off then come back and pick me up later?” 

Their knobby-kneed independence is both exciting and heartbreaking. Even crazier is the fact that I, as their parent, am supposed to help them along in their independence, in this journey away from me.

I hear middle school is the time in which big changes take place, and I find comfort in the fact (or hope?) that I have at least five years before my oldest really exerts that independence. Before she goes from thinking our little four-person family is the coolest thing around to thinking we’re actually kind of embarrassing. From thinking her parents have all the answers to thinking we don’t actually know a thing. 

Maybe kids are smarter than we give them credit for, because when it comes down to it, we parents really don’t know all that much. 

We scour the books, read the articles that float around Facebook, search Scripture for verses that speak to parenting, but really, we just wing it. We take all that knowledge and hope, all those tears and prayers, and we do the best we can. 

We hope we can raise our kids to be kind, generous, brave, gentle creatures who stand up for themselves and other kids. Who work hard and develop their brainpower and physical talent. Who don’t end up hating us when they turn 13 (or is it 11? Lord help me).

We may be raising our kids to leave us, but I hope along the way we can impart enough grace, enough kindness, enough humor and love that if they do leave — as they probably will and should — they’ll gladly come back again and again.

I’d love to connect! Email me at LaurenKDenton@gmail.com, find me on Twitter @LaurenKDenton, or visit my blog at laurenkdentonbooks.wordpress.com.