Ordinary Days: On self-promotion and vanity

Of all the things I’ve learned so far on this publishing adventure, the one that keeps rearing its ugly head is the fact that self-promotion is weird and uncomfortable. Yet, it’s one of the things an author pretty much has to do if he or she wants to sell books. I’m thankful and lucky to have an awesome publishing team behind me working hard to promote my books but even still, much of the promotion falls on the shoulders of the author, especially when it comes to spreading news through social media. 

Whenever a new review comes in from a publishing outlet, my team reminds me to post it online. Recently, I was posting a nice review of Hurricane Season on Instagram and my 8-year-old daughter Kate sat down and looked over my shoulder. 

After reading what I was typing, she said, “I don’t mean to be mean, but isn’t that a little braggy? I mean, it’s kind of like you’re telling everyone you’ve done something really good.” I laughed and told her she was completely right. 

I’ve never been very comfortable in any kind of spotlight, and posting things to draw attention to my work feels opposite to my nature. Yet, I love the stories I’ve written, I think other people will like them too and I want to let people know about them. Hence the conundrum, the contradiction between wanting to share something good yet not wanting to train the spotlight on myself or come across as braggy.

And it goes farther than just the books. Anytime I’m about to post a nice, smiley family pic or share one of those great old photos that Facebook throws in my timeline to remind me of when my girls were babies, a little bit of dread and awkwardness settles on my shoulders. I think of people I know who don’t have children and want them, those whose family situations aren’t ideal or those who’ve lost family members. And when it’s a book-related post, I think of those who are still in the trenches of looking for an agent or editor. 

Again, the conundrum. I have a good life but it’s not perfect, and far be it from me to post something that looks like perfection or that makes someone else feel diminished. “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit…” Nothing like scripture to put us in our places, right?

As for my job of writing books and promoting them — especially the time surrounding a new release and all the hoopla that comes along with that — looking for the balance between telling others about my work and stepping into “braggy” territory is a daily struggle. It’s a fine line, but I know the balance is there. Finding it means I can show my kids that it’s good to celebrate good things, that it’s OK for them to feel proud of something they’ve done, and that there’s a way to do that without boasting in ourselves (at least that’s the hope). 

And as for the rest of life, to the extent that I can avoid causing feelings of pain, rejection or loneliness in other people, I want to strive for that and be thoughtful when I post something about my life. That verse I mentioned a couple paragraphs ago? It ends with this instruction: “Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” 

In these strange days of filtered and polished social media streams and platforms, maybe pausing for a second before posting, checking purposes and motivations, will help us — me — celebrate without boasting and draw attention without vanity.

You can reach me by email me at Lauren@LaurenKDenton.com, visit my website, LaurenKDenton.com, or find me on Instagram @LaurenKDentonBooks, Twitter @LaurenKDenton, or on Facebook. My new novel,“Hurricane Season,” is out now and available wherever books are sold.