Ordinary Days: On failure and courage
On my way to publishing “The Hideaway,” I sent out 70 query letters to literary agents. Of those 70, I received 41 rejection letters.
Some were curt: “Thanks for your query, but this isn’t right for my list.” Some were harsh: “Unfortunately, I found your characters one-dimensional and flat.” And some were kind: “Satisfying story but a little too quiet.” Regardless of their reason, it was hard to not see each one of them as a little failure on my part.
Obviously, it all ended up working out pretty well in the end, but that process of going up to bat again, pulling on my thick armor and continuing to send out my letter despite the negative responses (not to mention the letters that went unanswered) stays with me, three years later.
No parent ever wants their children to experience the sting of rejection or failure. We wish we could throw up a force field between our kids and all the negative and hurtful actions and reactions that will come their way. Bottom line: We know it hurts, and we don’t want our kids to hurt.
I have to say, though, on the other side of the grueling querying process, I think some good can come out of a little rejection and failure. I’ve never considered myself particularly brave or courageous. I tend to lean toward the side of “I’ll keep trying until it gets too hard.” Part of it is that I like things to be pretty steady, and part of it is that continuing to put yourself out there — pushing against what feels like an immovable brick wall — takes more than a fair amount of courage and determination.
The fact that I didn’t give up when it seemed like this book just wasn’t going to get any further than my own computer, that I kept at it — sending out my query and continuing to pursue publication — still kind of astounds me. I’m so glad I didn’t give up, though.
My 7-year-old daughter, Kate, is in second grade. All last summer she talked about how hard the math was going to be this year, and she’s right — it’s harder than it was in first grade.
She’s a lot like me — words make more sense than numbers do. One day while we worked on a math worksheet together, she said, “It’s too hard. I’ll never be able to do this.” I tried to explain to her that words don’t come to me all gleaming and perfect, and that I have to practice writing by sitting down at my computer as often as I can and trying to make the words sound better than they did the day before. I told her that her daddy didn’t start out being able to run up and down mountain trails, and that he practices by getting out and running every day. Sometimes the words come, sometimes the trail is kind, but other times that “practice” feels like it’s hurting more than helping. But we have to keep at it. We have to risk the failure in the hopes of reaching the goal.
The explanation probably didn’t do much more than go in one ear and out the other, but she picked up her pencil and kept going. A moment later, when I told her she’d gotten the answer right, a huge grin crossed her face and she raised her arms up over her head. She might not agree that a little failure can be a good thing, but I think she was glad she didn’t give up.
You can reach me by email me at Lauren@LaurenKDenton.com, visit my website, LaurenKDenton.com or find me on Instagram @LaurenKDentonBooks, Twitter @LaurenKDenton or on Facebook. My debut novel, “The Hideaway,” is available wherever books are sold. “Hurricane Season” will be released April 3, 2018.