Ordinary Days: Flipping the script to focus on the good

Whether we consider ourselves glass-half-full or glass-half-empty, I think many of us flawed humans are naturally hardwired to negativity. Whether it’s a quick judgment against the person driving the car in front of us, an ugly stab of jealousy when someone we know has a windfall of success, or a swift, harsh criticism of ourselves when we mess up — the quickest, easiest conclusion is often the basest, the one most lacking in grace and compassion. 

I struggle daily with the balance of marriage, kids, writing and housekeeping. With finding time during the day to keep the household in (somewhat of a) working order while still dedicating a healthy amount of time for writing. With loving my children and my husband despite the fact that by the end of the day, I often feel wrung out and soul-tired. 

Inevitably I snap in some way: a harsh word or an impatient, thoughtless reaction. When that happens, my gut reaction is, “I’m a terrible person.” A deceitful voice in my head will whisper (or shout if the day has been especially frustrating) that a stronger, better woman would be able to keep up with life and do it in a more loving, patient, kind way. 

I see it in my kids, too, especially my eight-year-old, Kate. Her immediate reaction to any situation where she’s messed up is, “I’m awful.” At 38, I’m pretty good about keeping my bitter thoughts on the inside, but sweet Kate lets it all come out, and it breaks my Mama heart to hear her honest words. I’m always swift to remind her that she is loved and treasured and that while yes, she will make mistakes, her mistakes don’t define her. 

I’m rarely that kind to myself. 

But then I heard the term “flipping the script,” which is when someone does the opposite of his or her natural instinct. The result is usually a transformation of the situation. The situation itself doesn’t always change, but the person’s reaction to it changes. If your natural inclination is one of negativity or self-judgment, flipping the script would mean finding a way to look at your situation — and yourself — in a different way. 

Instead of instantly berating myself for losing my patience or worrying that the way I interact with my kids or my husband isn’t good enough, I remind myself that Jesus fills in all the parts of me that are missing. Instead of just becoming my “good enough, He becomes my perfection. In that case, my situation didn’t change — I still lost my patience or retreated into silence instead of persisting in love — but I’m reminded that there’s grace to cover me when I do fail.

I don’t make lists of resolutions in the new year, but this idea of flipping the script is something I hope to work on this year. Instead of focusing my attention on things that aren’t perfect in my house, I want to focus on the fact that over the holidays, our home stretched its arms and held 10 family members for a handful of happy, chaotic days. 

Instead of cruelly focusing on parts of my physical appearance I don’t like, I want to focus on the fact that the Lord has given me health and strength and endurance. Instead of thinking of all the things I need to accomplish in the next several weeks, I want to focus on this one task, this one conversation, this one moment of peace before I move on to the next. 

We’re only promised right now, so instead of worrying about all that isn’t or can’t or won’t, I want to focus on the good surrounding me now and the good that’s promised to come.

You can reach me by email me at Lauren@LaurenKDenton.com, visit my website, LaurenKDenton.com or find me on Instagram @LaurenKDentonBooks, Twitter @LaurenKDenton or on Facebook. My debut novel, “The Hideaway,” is available wherever books are sold. “Hurricane Season” will be released April 3, 2018.