Learning from a toddler...and her daddy

These days, to say I’m learning a lot from my toddler would be a vast understatement. If I thought I learned a lot about myself, my patience levels, and my dependence on God’s grace to get me through the day when she was an infant, I hadn’t even considered what toddler-hood would do to me! Don’t get me wrong—I think Kate is the sweetest two-year-old to ever walk the planet—but boy, does she know how to push my buttons!

I recently checked out several books from the library about how to best handle toddlers in all their hilarious, headstrong, disobedient ways. I’ve received some good advice, but I’m also learning that each toddler is so different, you basically just have to wing your way through it with your particular child. Perhaps the best advice I received from a friend was, “Remember that you are the Big Cheese.” Similarly, another friend told me she says to her child, “Is Maggie in charge? No. Is Mama in charge? Yes!” Every time I try that with Kate, she gives a hearty “Yes!” when I ask if she’s in charge. Apparently, no one strategy works with all kids.

I’m learning the days go better when I constantly remind myself that Kate is taking in every little thing I say and do. If I show my frustration too much (or worse, my anger), she’ll see that that’s how you should react to negative situations. As a consequence, my internal prayer life is generally along the lines of, “Lord, give me patience.” I repeat it until I feel calmer, then I can carry on and bear (mostly) the bouts of “Me!” “Mine!” and “No!”

Another thing I’ve learned is how crucial my husband, Matt, is to the success of my parenting skills. I actually learned this the first day Matt went back to work after Kate was born. As soon as he walked back in the door at 5:30 p.m., I realized two things: 1) He is vitally important to my sanity, and 2) Without him, parenting, and life in general, would be a lot harder and much less fun.

As soon as he gets home, the happiness and contentment level in the house goes up several notches. He swoops in, full of smiles and kisses, and regardless of how ornery the afternoon has been for us, Kate and I both end up smiling. When I see him make Kate laugh and forget how mad she is that I just turned off the TV, even if she’s been on the verge of a toddler breakdown all afternoon, I tell myself it’s because he hasn’t been with her all day, that he’s fresh and ready to jump into our crazy evenings. But in reality, I think it’s because he’s just blessed with the ability to be patient when I can be easily irritated, calm when I can be frantic.

I learn a lot from Kate, but I also learn just as much by watching how Matt parents her. Many people probably think dads always learn from the moms and take their cues from them, and I’m sure that’s true to a point. But in our family, I’m constantly learning from him. I’m thankful to have married someone brimming with patience and generosity—two qualities that go a long way in making a home a happy one.

He’s exactly what we two (soon to be three) girls need at the end of the day.

Happy Fathers Day to all the Homewood dads, and especially to Kate’s dada!

Lauren can be reached at LaurenKDenton@gmail.com.