Elevators and encouragement

I once heard someone say that when an author “makes it,” it’s his or her job to send the elevator back down to others who are waiting for their turn. At the time, I thought it was just a great way to encourage authors who’ve made it to the other side — who got the publishing deal, who’ve seen their book on shelves — to reach back and help aspiring authors by sharing their own experiences and giving feedback, encouragement and advice. However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized it applies to all of us, regardless of how we’ve “made it.”

Once we’ve gone through something difficult and come out on the other side — not unscathed, but tested, refined and hopefully a little bit stronger — it becomes our turn to send the elevator back for those on a similar road. It’s our chance to share our experience and offer life-giving encouragement and support. 

When we were in the trenches of the infertility world, I hardly talked to anyone about it. Some of my friends didn’t even know we were going through it because it was a hard topic to bring up in conversation. I had one good friend walking that road at the same time as me, and she became the one I could really confide in because she understood what I was feeling. And I think that’s the key — the thing that can be such a help to someone going through your same situation — that you understand how it feels. You can offer empathy, not just sympathy (or worse, pity).

Aside from bearing someone else’s burden, it’s a chance to redeem whatever hard thing we went through. Reaching out to those on the road behind us can give meaning to that low point in our life. We’ll never be able to pinpoint the exact reason why God allows us to go through a crisis, but at least we can let Him use it to comfort someone else. 

While I’m not particularly thankful for the time we spent in the infertility world — it was hard, after all, and sad and expensive — I am thankful God can use that experience and others to shed light and hope into friends’ similar journeys. Our lives are shaped in specific ways to mold us and shape us, and maybe to help mold and shape other people too. Sending the elevator back is a practical way to help shoulder others’ burdens and hopefully lighten their loads. 

Lauren can be reached at LaurenKDenton@gmail.com. You can also find her on Twitter @LaurenKDenton.