The other day, my nine-year-old Kate came downstairs with something behind her back and a nervous expression on her face.
“I did something I wasn’t supposed to do,” she said. Then she showed me what was behind her back. It was a book.
After a quick exhale of relief, I noticed the title. It was a book I’d told her I wasn’t ready for her to read. That’s the good thing about having a child who’s mostly a rule-follower — she can only go so long before she tells me when she’s done something wrong. The hard part is when that thing is something as seemingly innocent and good as reading a book.
Kate is a voracious and eager reader, and she’s at the point now where she’s interested in books at higher reading levels. Unfortunately, those higher levels sometimes involve topics she’s not quite ready to read about. Or more specifically, Mama isn’t ready for her to read them.
After thanking her for being honest and talking to her about how the rules we set are for her own good, I started thinking about subjects I’m not ready to talk to my girls about and why. The book Kate read wasn’t terrible and the subject matters it touched on will eventually be things she needs to know about, but at her tender age of nine, I want to shield her from some aspects of this hard world — in this case, it was substance abuse and bullying.
Another book I said no to a while back had kids in middle school playing spin-the-bottle and a “spoiler” about the tooth fairy (and what big sister reads, little sister tries her hardest to read too). This world will try to grow them up as quick as it can, and one of my goals is to keep them kids while they still are kids, and not pry open their eyes to truths they might not be ready for.
As a parent, it’s so hard to know what to hide and what to reveal, and when. I don’t want to raise kids in a bubble who are then completely shocked and undone by realities they see in the world around them, but at the same time, I don’t want to take away their innocence by burdening them with issues that are hard for even adults to understand or reconcile.
Last summer, in the middle of 280 traffic, Kate asked me, “Mom, can two girls get married?” After slowing down my panicked breathing and giving myself a little mental pep talk, I calmly gave her the answer and what I thought was a necessary explanation. In the middle of my speech, they interrupted me to ask if we could stop at Chick-fil-A, letting me know the discussion was effectively over.
Several months later, as I was putting Sela to sleep one night, she gave me a kiss and said, “Now we’re married.” I said, “Well, I can’t marry you — I’m already married to Daddy. Plus we’re both girls.” She came right back with, “Well, in some states…” thereby feeding my words right back to me.
The Bible tells us God will grant wisdom to those who ask for it, and I’ve been asking for wisdom since day one of having children! Most days, I don’t feel one iota wiser than when I first started in this parenting life, but on the other hand, I know without a doubt that 10 years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to parent a nine- and a six-year-old as I am today, so maybe there’s some measure of extra wisdom or discretion in me.
I pray that’s so, because the questions just keep coming. And the books, and the movies, and the music … Lord, give me wisdom to guide these girls with love and truth, and a healthy dose of humor and grace to accept my own limitations when my words tangle and I break a sweat in the middle of traffic.
My novels “The Hideaway,” “Hurricane Season” and the recently released “Glory Road” are available wherever books are sold. You can reach me by email at Lauren@LaurenKDenton.com, visit my website LaurenKDenton.com or find me on Instagram@LaurenKDentonBooks, Twitter@LaurenKDenton or on Facebook@LaurenKDentonAuthor.
