Lauren Denton
Usually by this part of the summer, I’m ready for the start of school — or at least the coming of a new season. Holiday decorations are already going up in stores, football will be on TV soon if it’s not already and shiny new school supplies beckon from the back corner of Target. I love summer ,and it’s hard for me to let go of the freedom and warm weather, but by now I’m usually ticking items off on my fingers, planning what I’ll do first as soon as both kids are in school and I have a little time to myself.
And I have plenty of these things to do as soon as Kate and Sela are squared away, but the strange thing is, I’m not looking forward to it near as much as I thought I would. Not at all, actually. See, my “baby” is starting kindergarten this year. Gone are the preschool years, gone are the days of having sweet Sela home with me for an extra few hours while Kate is in school. Sure, the four hours of preschool flew by every day, and I rarely accomplished all I had in mind to do, but with one still in All Saints’ Red Door, I was happily on this side of being fully immersed in big school. Now, I’m taking the step onto the other side.
At one time, having both kids in big school every day — seven hours for me to tackle whole projects and actually complete them — felt like the light at the end of the tunnel, but now it feels a little like part of my kids’ childhood is slipping away from me.
For the record, I do understand I’m being slightly melodramatic. When Kate started kindergarten, I think I may have seen more tears on parents’ faces than on kids’, but my eyes were dry. Kate was so excited, so ready, and it was hard to not be excited too about all that lay ahead.
This time though, I’m teary already. I’m excited and sad, with a bittersweet lump in my throat. Maybe it’ll evaporate on Day 2 when I manage to write a complete scene of this new book or squeeze in exercise, grocery store and a shower, but for right now, I’m yelling on the inside, “Time, please don’t go so fast!”
It’s one of those things parents of older kids love to say to new parents or parents of young children: “Enjoy this time — it goes so fast!” Intrinsically, we know time goes fast and that if we were better parents, we’d enjoy every second — the middle-of-the-night feedings, the spit-up, the tears and diapers, then the terrible twos (or threes), the sibling rivalry, the sassy independence. But when you’re “in the trenches” as they say, it’s often hard to keep your head up long enough to say, “Oh hey, I’m exhausted and frazzled, but this is great!” But time does indeed fly, especially when your people are small and changing so fast.
Recently, I made a comment to Kate about how I wished she could stop growing up. I was, of course, not being totally serious, but my sarcasm was lost on her. “But I have to grow up!” she said. “You got to grow up and do more things. That’s why you had me — so I can grow up and do more things!”
Such simplicity, and she was right. I didn’t have children so they could stay babies or toddlers or preschoolers, even though there’s such sweetness in those years. We have kids so we can love them, raise them, teach them and then walk side by side with them as they grow. That’s the point. I did it, and now it’s their turn.
Just don’t look for me to have dry eyeson Aug. 9.
You can reach me by email me at lauren@laurenkdenton.com, visit my website, laurenkdenton.com, or find me on Instagram @laurenkdentonbooks, Twitter @LaurenKDenton or on Facebook. My debut novel, “The Hideaway,” is available wherever books are sold. My next book, “Hurricane Season,” will be released in April 2018.